Living Proof
by Shibalyfe
Summary: Draco doesn't know how he will live without Astoria. Written for The Houses Competition, Bonus Round 3.


House: Gryffindor

Theme: First experience or first time doing something

Prompt: Saying goodbye to the love of your life

Word Count: 2426

Beta: CK and Tigger! Thanks, lovelies!

A/N: This was written for The Houses Competition for the Bonus 3 round.

Living Proof

Draco stared at the single daisy that was in his hand and instantly regretted the decision to only bring the one flower. Magnificent bouquets were scattered all around the church, much grander and more ornate than his. He knew that he shouldn't care, that if she were here she would laugh at the ostentatious displays of wealth, but still, he couldn't help but feel like he should have brought more with him.

He could feel everyone's eyes on him as he made his way up the aisle towards the open coffin. He gripped his son's hand tighter and bit back his cry as he saw her lying there. Her golden hair looked like a halo and even in death she was magnificent.

The closer he drew to her still body the weaker he grew. He seemed to be in a trance and stumbling along. He could feel Scorpius struggling to hold his weight up while he leaned heavily on the thirteen-year-old, but he couldn't stop himself. He could hear the murmurs of whispers around him but he didn't care; nothing else mattered except her. That was how it had always been once she was in his life. He had changed so much for Astoria. She made him want to be a better person and now she was gone. Who would he be without her here? He felt lost and alone.

He finally reached the open mahogany casket; he could see the smooth lines of her face and the peaceful expression adorning it. It was like a knife to the heart. She looked so peaceful and all he felt was pain. How could she do this to him? How could she leave him here?

He couldn't hold his sobs in any longer and fell to his knees, clutching at her still body, the daisy in his hand long forgotten.

* * *

Today, Draco had come prepared; he gotten the biggest arrangement of daisies he could find for her. Even if she couldn't enjoy her favorite flower, it made him feel better having a grander arrangement today. Like he could hide behind the vase and away from the prying eyes.

He carried the vase in front of him like some kind of shield, only placing it on the ground when they had arrived at the gravesite. It was surreal staring at the vacant hole in the ground that would soon house his wife. She had been everything to him and she was reduced to nothing more than a bleak hole in the ground.

He tried to focus on the people that came to the funeral but felt numb. He could hear their words of comfort but he couldn't feel them. He couldn't feel anything but the pain that was radiating from his chest.

The priest began talking about the wonderful person that Astoria had been and Draco couldn't help but feel bitter. The man hadn't even known her. She was so much better than wonderful. Astoria was like all the goodness in the world rolled up into one perfect, selfless human being. Now that she was gone, Draco wasn't sure what goodness would be left in his world; she was taking it all with her.

The priest wrapped up and everyone said their final goodbyes. He pulled a couple of daisies from his arrangement and placed them on top of the coffin, whispering how much he loved her to the wood that encased the love of his life.

He watched as the wooden tomb slowly lowered into the ground. He watched as the workers began to slowly shovel dirt into the hole. He heard everyone beginning to leave, but he still couldn't look away. He could feel his son tugging on his sleeve but couldn't bring himself to care. He saw from the corner of his eye Scorpius leave with the Potters and still he didn't move.

He could feel the world spinning around him, feel everyone else moving on, but he couldn't look away. He couldn't bring himself to say good-bye, to acknowledge that this was the end. He stayed there for hours looking at the half-filled hole and the gleaming headstone.

"You can't stay here, you know."

He heard the strong voice behind him but still he couldn't look away. He felt a hand clasp his shoulder but made no reaction. He felt drained and alone.

"Come on, Draco. It is getting late, the sun is disappearing, and you can't stay here all night. You have a son to think about."

Draco startled at the thought about his son. He looked at the man standing next to him and shrugged. "He can take care of himself."

"Draco, come on. It's getting late and cold; you will freeze to death."

How does one just leave the side of the love of their life? How does a man say goodbye, knowing that it will be forever? The man urged him to turn and look away from the gravesite but Draco fought him. He threw off the strong hands that clasped his shoulders and ran to the hole in the ground. He peered down at the freshly shoveled dirt and started crying again once he realized that this was actually goodbye. It wasn't the same as saying goodbye while he went and ran some errands. There would be no more hellos to accompany the goodbyes. This was it. This was permanent and forever. He held onto her headstone as sobs wracked his body.

"I'm so sorry," he kept crying out. "I am so sorry. I love you so much."

Once the sobs faded and the tears began to dry, the man lifted Draco up. He was too weak to fight it. His legs were shaky and he couldn't think clearly. He still didn't take his eyes off of the headstone as it faded from view and whispered one final goodbye as he was gently shoved towards the gates.

"Scorpius can stay with us for a little bit until school starts, if you'd like. Albus will be happy to have him around."

Draco just shrugged non-committedly and Harry gave a deep sigh.

He grabbed Draco's hand and Apparated him to his home, depositing him on the steps of the manor in the care of a house elf.

"Take care of yourself, Draco, and let us know if there is anything else that we can help you with. I know we aren't friends, but I can't imagine what you are going through."

That's right; he couldn't. No one knew what it was like to lose the love of your life, to have to live with the hole in their heart. Everyone said how sorry they were, but no one knew about the gut-wrenching heartache that followed him everywhere. The seemingly ordinary things, like a hairbrush or an empty seat that could bring a rainstorm to his eyes and make his knees grow weak. No one knew, except for him now.

* * *

Draco stayed in bed for the next week. He stared at her vanity and watched as the shadows rose across the room each day. He watched the sun's reflection in the mirror as each new day began. He wasn't eating or drinking and didn't move from his spot on the bed.

In his room, he was haunted with her presence. Her robe was still hanging on the door. The book she was reading was on the nightstand and her sweet aroma surrounded him. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that she was still there with him.

He heard a sharp knock at the window and instantly his dream world was shattered back to reality. She wasn't here. The sharp knock sounded again and he instantly knew it was an owl. He yelled at the owl to go away. He would lose what little control he still had if he had to read another sympathy card. He was confused why the owl hadn't delivered the mail downstairs like he had instructed and instead continued to bash against the window, ignoring his shouts.

He sighed heavily and dragged his feet off the bed. Every muscle was stiff and his limbs felt heavy. He unlatched the window and the bird flew in and perched on Astoria's favorite chair in the corner. Draco slowly moved towards the bird and untied the letter from its leg. He flipped the letter over and froze. He recognized that handwriting. It couldn't be.

He sank down to the floor and ripped open the letter.

 _My Dearest Husband,_

 _If you are getting this letter it means that I am no longer by your side in this world. Have no fear, my sweet husband, for I have no doubt we will meet again in the next life._ _This isn't goodbye forever. It's just a goodbye for now._ _I know the next couple of months won't be easy for you. I know you must be wrought with grief, but remember our son is grieving too. Our son, Draco. You will always have a piece of me with you in Scorpius and you will forever have my heart._

 _I love you so much and I wish I could have stayed by your side longer. I wish I could have seen Scorpius grow up into a young man and have danced at his wedding, but I know that you will make up for my absence. Draco, promise me you will take care of Scorpius. Don't push him away; he needs his father and you need him too. Promise me, that you will try to move on with your life, that you will try to be happy again. Promise me, that you will try to love again. You have so much love to give, Draco and you deserve it._

 _Forever and always yours,_

 _Astoria_

Tears starting forming in Draco's eyes and the words on the page began to blur as they fell. Even beyond the grave, she still knew exactly what he needed.

When the tears finally subsided, he shakily pulled himself off of the floor and got his coat. Astoria was right—she always was. His son needed him and he'd be damned if he didn't honor one of Astoria's last wishes.

* * *

Draco glanced at his watch and then called up the stairs again. The last couple of weeks weren't easy but he was glad he had gotten Scorpius from the Potter's when he did; they had needed to grieve as a family and begin to try to adjust to living life without her, which was so very hard.

There had been so many firsts in this house for them. Their first argument, their first make-up, their first kiss, and even their wedding had been right here on these grounds. They had experienced the joy of a child together and everything that entailed. His first steps, first words, and his first signs of magic.

The memories that assaulted him brought a smile to his face instead of the tears now. He liked replaying all of the firsts that they had experienced together. It reminded him of how much they lived and grew as a family, how much they had loved.

"Scorpius, we are going to be late if you don't get down here!" he called up the stairs.

After a couple of moments, he heard the heavy thud of his trunk as he made his way down the stairs. Scorpius came into view, dragging the heavy trunk behind him.

"I brought some extra stuff," Scorpius said sheepishly.

"Like what?" Draco asked, his eyebrows quirked.

"Just some of mother's things. To remind me. I don't want to forget," his son mumbled.

"Ah," Draco sputtered through his clenched throat. He had to cough a few times before he was finally able to talk. "You won't ever forget her, son. She is a part of you. You are so much like her, more than you will ever know."

He clasped his hand on his son's shoulder and took the trunk from him. He held out his hand for his son to grab. He squeezed his palm and then closed his eyes.

 _POP._

Draco didn't let go of his son's hand and made his way through the crowded terminal and down towards the train. The train whistled and Draco began to walk faster towards the cars of the train. He handed the trunk to a worker and stooped low to look Scorpius in the eyes.

"I love you," Draco said, "and your mother would be so proud of you. Don't ever forget that."

His son nodded slowly and Draco stood up. Scorpius threw his arms around him and Draco squeezed back just as hard, tears threatening to spill from his eyes again. He didn't know what else to say to Scorpius, so he just held him close.

He heard the train give another series of warning whistles and knew that he had to let his son go.

Scorpius gave him a gentle clap on the back and began to pull away.

"I'll be fine, Father. Don't forget to write!"

Draco nodded solemnly as he watched his only son board the train and enter a compartment, disappearing from view for a few minutes.

Seeing his son board the train brought on so many different mixed emotions. He wouldn't see his son for months and it always saddened him, but Astoria had always been there to support him through it. Even without Scorpius, Astoria managed to keep the house lively. He would be coming home to an empty house this time.

Scorpius called for him out the window and Draco watched his son wave as the wheels of the train began to turn and pull him from the station. Draco called one last, 'I love you,' before the train turned the corner and Scorpius disappeared from view.

Draco stared down at his feet trying to prevent his tears from flowing. He had done it. He had dropped Scorpius off at the Hogwarts Express by himself for the very first time. He knew there were going to be many more firsts for him and Scorpius, and not for the first time did he wish Astoria could have been with him. He knew that one day these memories would just be proof of the growing that they were doing and all the happiness that they could still share, just like all the firsts he had gotten to experience with Astoria. All those memories, good and bad, all those moments, just meant that they had lived and loved and that was something that Draco couldn't be sorry for.


End file.
